Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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