I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize