woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
