Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
