Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
