So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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