Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
