I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
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2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
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Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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