you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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