My brain says no but my pants say off.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
