I cockslap morals
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's never too late to be topless.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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