R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
