i was born a porn star she said
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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