My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
