My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
