Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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