??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
