She just used a chaser for red wine.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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