i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
