If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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