Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Randomize
