three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
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