well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
