and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm at about main and main street
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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