census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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