i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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