He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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