so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the day after is always just damage control
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
