ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Do you still have your period?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my being single is dangerous.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
