It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
