Kiss
Puke
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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