I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
you will always have a special place in my vag
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
