why didn't you poke me back
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
