Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....