OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.