you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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