He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
