i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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