Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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