i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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