I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
