Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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