i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
