I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
