The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
