I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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