Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
