I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
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