Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
