Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
