did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
