I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
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we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
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Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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