he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
