You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
