i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
