I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
your room smells of hookers.
And success
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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