Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
