I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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