Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
