After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
