I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
