Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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