What a fucking waste of an outfit
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
