Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
