Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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