so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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