I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
