I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
