She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
