Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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