ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize