When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
