dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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