i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
