doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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