I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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