I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
