Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
