Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
My pussy is not your playground.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
