Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
