Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
